What you once were isn’t what you want to be any more

I used to listen to this song. A lot.

If last.fm had been around at the time, my stats would look a lot different than they do now. It would have Wilco at the top of my most played list, and this song in the number one position.

I wish I could say I was listening to it for good reasons, but alas, that was not the case. Nine years ago, I found myself playing this on repeat on my drive to and from work. I had a job I hated, a career I loathed, and a me I despised. This was the soundtrack for the miserableness that was my life then.

I kept focusing in on the line “What you once were isn’t what you want to be any more”. It was optimistic to me which is exactly what I needed at a time when things looked so bleak. Jeff Tweedy seemed to be telling me what I was dealing with right then didn’t have to be my fate forever. I figured if I listened to him say it enough I might start believing it.

Some time after, I chose to make a change. I gave up my job, moved away, went to grad school, and became a new me and boy am I happy I did.

That said, I’ve been feeling the itch to listen to this song again on infinite repeat. While the situations are vastly different (I love my job, career, etc), there’s still this itch that hasn’t quite been scratched. Something that still needs to be changed to make me happy.

I noticed recently that every seven years or so I have what I would call a life-altering year. 2000 sparked a good five-year run of ridiculousness of the best kind. 2007 (despite ending terribly) marked a start of a lot of new friendships for me. If the pattern remains, I would say I’m due for another year full of positive change.

So maybe my Jeff Tweedy theory was right. If I listen to this song enough I can escape my fate. *crossing my fingers*

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About indie librarian

a recently MLS librarian's observations
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